“What If Wednesdays” have returned. And I’m coming back with a biggie. What if you married the wrong person?
– He isn’t as loving as he was when we dated.
– She hasn’t stayed in that great of shape. Let’s be honest, he didn’t either.
– He isn’t motivated enough to provide the lifestyle I want.
You’ve heard similar statements. Maybe you’ve said them. And you wonder (or you know someone who wondered) if you married the wrong person.
I don’t think you did.
To say you married the wrong person means there’s a right person for you, like one perfect Jerry Maguire you complete me person. And I just don’t think that’s true–pragmatically or biblically. I am so grateful that Lindsey and I went to college together, met, and married (there were a couple steps between met and married, but trying to keep it brief).
I truly believe that had I stayed in Knoxville and gone to UT, I would’ve met and married someone else. Now that’s hard to fathom, and frankly I don’t even like thinking about it. But I still think it’s true.
The magical “one” that some people look for is going to be found right next to the leprechaun riding the unicorn across a double rainbow.
Is there a type of person you should look for? Absolutely. But is there more than one person that fits that type? Absolutely.
Plenty of folks out there think they married the wrong person because that person has changed since getting married. I heard a guy say of his wife, “She’s been married to five different men and they’re all me.” In other words, I’ve changed.
We all change.
We make mistakes and [hopefully] learn from them. We grow–some of us in our bellies. But we can lose that. We get wiser and smarter. Some get less romantic and it takes a good frying pan to the head, figuratively speaking, to get back on track. Others get more romantic, and you’re hated by those who get the frying pan.
Marriage isn’t a combination lock where you get the numbers right and turn the correct number of times and VOILA, white doves come bursting forth while Unchained Melody plays from some unknown musical source.
It’s a dance. You’re constantly playing off the moves of your partner, seeking ways to complement his/her needs, strengths, and weaknesses.
What if instead of trying to change them, you embraced them for who they are now rather than who you want them to be or who they were? That’s not an easy task. And I’m not trying to oversimplify here.
But for the sake of your joy and God’s glory, give it a shot. Mirror Jesus’ love for the church and the church’s faithfulness to Jesus. Serve one another. Be patient and speak with love. Be slow to anger. I triple dog dare you.